Let Your Questions Become Your Adventures

Obedience is boldness.

Boldness was always something I wanted to be more of. I desired to be a woman both daring and bold. I wanted the strength to climb the highest peaks in the desert canyon. I had my heart set on the focus to surf and dance on ocean waters. I craved the knowledge to build a fire in the backcountry, and I sought for bravery to travel the world on my own. I wanted to prove to myself that I was courageous and capable.

Obedience on the other hand, wasn’t something I often thought about or desired as a skill set. In my ignorance, I honestly didn’t know what it meant to be obedient as a believer. I assumed if I believed in Jesus, tucked scripture in my heart to carry and live out, the rest would fall into place and God would bless my dream-filled adventurous plans.  

Oftentimes when we ask God our questions, we have no idea how or when He will answer them. Dare I ask, can we allow our questions to become the adventures we embark on as He answers them?

Adventure in My Bones

Growing up in Pennsylvania, I had always dreamed of travel and the adventure of exploration. Every time I got on a plane or in the car for a trip, the excitement of learning and possibility made me come completely alive. I felt purposeful in my pursuits as I was uncovering who God was. Meeting people from new cultures and ways of life, revealed a new understanding of Him. Each new opportunity called forth some new fruit in me to hatch and be used.

At one point in my life, I lived in the redwoods of Northern California. It was a bit of a dream come true. I had always wanted to live on the west coast, and often dreamt of constructing a simple and peaceful life nestled near the sea. I had been living there for almost three years and had started to build a pretty comfortable and favorable life. I was writing, teaching regular classes and retreats, dating someone I had hopes would lead to marriage and living in one of the most magical and mysterious parts of the country. I regularly camped out in the middle of nowhere under the stars. Many of my meals were cooked over a campfire as the silence of the wilderness tucked me to sleep. I tried my hand at surfing, had the sand dunes as my regular running track, and was starting to get somewhat of a green thumb at gardening. In many ways, I was living out my dream of a coastal California life.

An Unexpected Pivot of the Heart

About two years after I moved out west, I returned home after a visit back to Florida, where I was born. I was there visiting my dad and stepmom. After settling back in one evening, I started a fire in my wood burning stove, lit a few candles, and cozied up in a chair with a new devotional. As I began reading, something entirely new and unexpected began to stir in my heart. For the first time in quite a long time, I felt homesick for my family. It was a longing I hadn’t experienced to that capacity before. I had always carried my family in my heart along my many travels. I would send them postcards from all the places I visited and lived in. This was my way of bringing them along the journey with me, of staying connected to them.

I knew that this feeling of missing them to this degree meant something significant. I couldn’t shake it and I could feel in my gut there was a reason why. I began praying, “Lord, what does this aching in my heart mean? Please help me to understand why I feel this yearning to be near my family again. God, why? I have so much going for me here in California so please give me a sign if I should stay or move back east. Father, I’m scared to leave but I’m also scared to stay and miss out on my family. Please help me understand what to do.”

I picked up the phone and called my mom back in Pennsylvania. I told her what I was feeling after returning from Florida and asked her what I should do. Like the gentle and peace filled woman she is, she calmly told me to pray about it and ask God to give me a sign.

I sat at my kitchen table the next morning as the sun was rising over the mountains and in my prayers asked the Lord to give me a sign about what to do.

The God Who Speaks

In one week, God revealed three signs to me.

The first sign came through a new devotional I had just started reading. It had beautiful calligraphy and detailed watercolor paintings throughout its pages. Nestled in a small corner on one of the pages read this, “Go home and love your family.” I instantly felt the presence of the Spirit as I read it. I knew this was the Lord speaking directly to me.

I sat with what I had read and what I felt was for me, and I prayed. A few days later, the second sign came.

The second sign came from a book I was reading. I came across a quote from Mother Teresa, and I immediately became still. It said, “If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.”

I took a very deep breath as I read those words. The direction God was revealing to me started to become more real.

“Wow. Ok. God is truly speaking to me here,” I thought. So I sat with this quote and I prayed. A few more days passed and then the third and final sign arrived.

The third and final sign came through a conversation I had had with a friend and student after teaching a movement class. Her name was Lauren, and over the course of the past two years, I had gotten to know her from attending my classes. She was the last student to leave and as I began cleaning up, we started to have a heart to heart conversation. I realized that although I had seen her pretty regularly, I didn’t know much about her. Genuinely interested, I asked where she was from, who she was and what she did. She told me she had moved to that part of California from San Francisco to be closer to her brother after loosing both of her parents. She was a nurse and this area of California had a high demand for nurses so it worked out for her to move there. I will never forget what she told me next. It wasn’t something that brought guilt but grace. At the end of our chat she said, “I enjoy living here, don’t get me wrong, but if my parents were still alive, I’d be living wherever they are.” Hearing her share that made me realize how grateful I was that my family was still alive and that I had the choice to be near them.

I knew that I knew that I knew in my spirit, God was calling me home.

An Abundance of Counselors

“So now what?” I thought.

I sat with these revelations the Lord had given me for a few days. I was exceedingly grateful that He answered me three times (proof that God has a sense of humor to get our attention!) but I also felt uncertainty sink in. How was I supposed to dismantle a life I had started to build? Where was I supposed to move? How am I going to do this? To be perfectly transparent, I didn’t really want to move back. I was comfortable and there were things in my past and in my family I was afraid to walk back into again.  

As the questions began to pile up, I picked up the phone and called my extra mom, my stepmother Bonnie. She has been in my life since I was seven years old and has always been a place of reason and wise counsel I can go to. I shared with her my heart and how God answered my question in three different ways. And then she said something that opened my eyes in a profoundly new way. She said, “Jessie, He has answered you. Now is when you need to be obedient to what He has told you.”

Obedience.

It was a word I hadn’t heard since I was a little girl. I know that might sound odd as a believer, but my walk with the Lord ebbed and flowed for many years as an adult. I didn’t know a lot of His
Word and so my faith wasn’t rooted in the obedience of following His ways as much as it was in leaning on my own understanding.

He Will Go After the One

A few weeks after God spoke to my heart, I left for Baja Mexico to lead a yoga retreat. I was accompanied by a small group of students who had become dear friends of mine over the past year. I realize there is some controversy around the practice of yoga in the Christian community. I understand very well why, but I will share that for me, it has always been a place a deep intimacy with the Lord to move and breathe and connect with Him.

At the end of the retreat, I stayed a few extra days on my own to soak in the quiet and reflective solitude that a new landscape brings. One morning as the vibrant pink, red and orange sunrise was coming up over the mountains, I tip toed out to the back porch with my coffee to soak it in and talk to God. I began thanking Him for the experience and blessing of getting to teach, travel and deepen friendships. I was so grateful in that moment as I was sitting in a place of absolute wonder, and yet something didn’t feel right. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, so I prayed that He would reveal what it was. Almost immediately I felt a word from Him come to my heart that said, “You should be leading people to me and not to anything else.”

As the sun began to radiate its warmth and glow on my skin, I sat quietly meditating on that piercing and gentle whisper.  I knew in my spirit this was pertaining to every area of my life. I knew that teaching yoga was no longer the direction He wanted me to go in, at least for now. I felt He was inviting me to a new way of life and purpose that I had never known before. Tears filled my eyes as I realized that with all of the signs and now with this very specific word, He was in fact, calling me back home to Him.

The Righteous are Bold as Lions

Boldness is defined as a willingness to take risks, to have confidence or courage. Radically honest faith is both courageous and bold. Esther comes to mind when thinking of someone who served God by risking her own security. Esther used both caution and courage to approach the king on behalf of saving her people. Boldness doesn’t mean you move with a detailed plan of assurance, it means you move with a boldness that is within you from the Holy Spirit as He equips you for the very next step. There is no other way to follow the Lord than through a deep conviction that is met with a willingness of letting go.

When I arrived back from Mexico, the change in my heart from the mercy God had showed me caused a catapult of change in every direction of my life. I purged anything and everything that wasn’t of Him—books, jobs, plans, friendships, my relationship, my writing. I began to pay careful attention to what was leading me closer to the Lord or away from Him.

It took almost a full year to let go of many things that had tied me to my old ways and to California. I continually came back to 1 Samuel 7:3 that says to turn our hearts to the Lord and obey Him alone. When it was hard to let go—I would turn my gaze to Him. When I was anxious where He was going to lead me—I would posture my heart toward Him. When I felt fearful about starting over—I would draw nearer to Him. I began to see that obeying His Word was entrusting His love and ability over the course of my life.  

Let Your Questions Become Adventures

I asked Him a question.

And He graciously answered me.

It was not what I had expected or wanted Him to say, but as I soon discovered, it was the only voice I needed to make my path straight.

Once I began to see the path that lay ahead of me, I was reminded of Isaiah 43:19 that says, “Behold, I am doing a new thing. Now it springs forth. Do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” He was making a way for me just as He makes a way for each and every one of us.

I started to see my questions being transformed into meaningful adventures of hope and discovery. I went from wanting boldness mostly for my own self-ambition, to wanting boldness in my spirit that could be used by God for His Kingdom. That small change of perspective showed me that obedience is so closely linked with our trust in Him. It is our trust and obedience to follow wherever and whenever He leads us on the wild goose chase, the great adventure that is our living faith.